GOLIYON KI RAASLEELA - RAM LEELA !!!

In a remote village of Ranjaar in Gujarat state of India, the two Gujarati clans were arch-rivals of each other since 500 years or so. The repeated battles between the people of Jadeja clan and Rabari clan actually hampered the economy of Gujarat at that time. In the early Rig-Vedic period, Goddess Saraswati was the goddess of rivers. But, Goddess Saraswati suffered from megalomania as she was the goddess of rivers. In the Later Vedic Age, Goddess Saraswati lost her status as the goddess of rivers. As a result, the river Saraswati of north-western India completely dried out and it paved the way for the formation of Rann of Kutch and Thar Desert in north-western India. Majority of the people of Jadeja clan and Rabari clan were also megalomaniacs as they felt proud of their own respective clan.

Sabji mandi nahi, banduk o ki mandi padi hain yahaan. Yahaan ka toh poora kanoon hee banduk se chalta hain. Saala border ke ish paar bhi dusmaan aur saala gali ke ush paar bhi dushman. Every day, some tussles used to take place in Ranjaar village between the people of Rabari clan and Jadeja clan. Loh aaj toh Goli pe bhi Goli chal hee gayi. Aaj toh Jadeja aur Rabari ke beech bawaal lagi. Ram’s elder brother was searching for Bhabani. But, Ram was busy in Raasleela in the Hanuman Galli. Tattar Tattar....Ram ji ki chaal dekho, aankhon ki majaal dekho, kare yeh dhamaal dekho. Ram saved Bhabani’s life. Mekji Bhai was not happy with his younger brother. The Mukhiya of Rabari clan was not in a mood to make friendship with Jadeja clan due to some ego problems. Guroor hamara sab kuch hain. Guroor mein doobey samandar o ko bhi kahan pataa tha ki woh ek din banjar Rann ban jayega. Jab uska guroor nahi tikaa toh hamara aap ka kya hain baap ji.

Banka told about the Court notice to Dhankor, the female leader of Jadeja clan. Peechle mahine ke char khoon mein atkaa hain toh, agle mahine chyae khoon hoga, uska kya karega? Haddi mat dabaa. Dhankor’s brother died in clan clashes. Bhabani was the son of Dhankor’s late brother. Kanji was Dhankor’s son. Kanji bhai, tumhari maa bula rahi hain. Ek tumhare maa aur ek behen, iske chalte kaise bacche hogi hamaari. Kanji liked an NRI Gujarati as the future hubby of Leela. Leela, the younger sister of Kanji was busy in enjoying the festival of Holi. Who was holding the gun in front of her? Leela fired a bullet towards the sky as a signal of romance. Ram’s heart surrendered in front of Leela’s heart or maybe vice-versa. Karshan Bhai was an archaeologist of London. Waise aap logon ka family business kya hain? Shooting, smuggling, killing; you know naa what I mean! Welcome to the family business. Jis din banduk pakar te huye haath na kaape na, ush din ka muhurat nikaal lena Kanji.  Karshan bhai, issi ghar mein aayegi aap ki doli and wish you a very Happy Holi.

On the night of Holi festival, Ram and his friends entered into the areas where the people of Jadeja clan lived. Hearts of Lovebirds always break barriers. The man of Rabari clan and the woman of Jadeja clan fell in love with each other. Ure ure mann ure, teri ore badhe, soya tha nas nas mein, aab yeh jag gaya, labon ke choone se, khwabon ke khone se, lahoon muh lag gaya. Kanji ordered Inspector Banka to raid the houses of Rabari clan. Romance was at its peak for the two hearts. Ram came to meet Leela at her house. Jitni tu sexy hain utni hee tu danger hain. Jitna hu danger hain na, utna hee hushiyaar hain. Hai, tere toh bilkul hee baal nahi hain! Hai, tere bhi. Hamari yahan kahete hain ki jish mard ke seene mein baal na ho, usse ek dum bharosha nahi karna chaiye. Mat kar bharosha, shaadi kar le direct. Leela went near Rann of Kutch to meet Ram. Fattu bola tha na, maa ki naak ke neeche se nikal ke aa gayi mein milne aur woh bhi ek Rabari se. Maine tujhe chorh diya toh? Urah doongi. Their chemistry of true love began. Dil key eh goli chali, naino ki bandook se, bomb bhi girega aab, pyar ke sandook se; Ishq yeh tera mera, Ishquaun ki, dhisquan ki. 

Karshan was looking for some good photos and met with Leela. Yeh bhai! Kitna photo khichega. Aise yeh tribals bina blouse ke ladkiyan kahan milenge? Banke came for the raid at the houses of Rabari clan. Ram requested Banke to come at his room. Yeh lo, Shyam ugrabaadi toh Ram satyabaadi. Saala bhai hain ke dushman. After watching the adult videos, Banka gave a new order. Ei suno bhai, goliyon ko maaro goli, yeh CD o ko jabd karo. Arrey! Sach bataoon Ram bhai, pataa hee nahi chala ke raid maarne aaye teh ki maarbaane. Aap ka Banka bhi haraami nikla Kanji bhai; yahan pe jeib garam kar gaya aur wahan pe dhoti. The people of Rabari clan started celebrating as the policemen’s raid failed. Bhai Bhai; bhala mori Rama, bhala thaari Rama; Bhai Bhai. Leela told Ram to do something. They romanced on the tree. The people of Jadeja and Rabari clans started challenging each other. Kanji failed to shoot at the glass of beer, but, surely killed someone. Ram took the sweet revenge. Both Kesar and Raseela became widows. Kshatriyas are warriors by birth as their genes are well designed by God to fight for pride only. The war of Kshatriyas began in Ranjaar village. 

Main apna kho diya, par tere paas akhri mauka hain Leela, chali ja iske saath. Ram and Leela left the Ranjaar village together. Leela was desperate to get married to Ram as soon as possible. But, Ram was not ready for it as the news of fights between the people of Jadeja clan and Rabari clan became the news headlines of Gujarati newspapers. Leela convinced Ram to marry her. Aaj full moon che, shaadi ka correct muhurat, chal aaj kar hee lete hain. Aang laga de re, mohe rang laga de re; main toh teri joganiya, tu jog laga de re; Ram ratan dhan, lagan magan mann, tann mora chandan re, ujli kori preet piya, satrang laga de re. Ram’s friends acted as traitors. Bhabani took Leela to Dhankor’s den. It was becoming tough for the people of Jadeja clan to handle Ram. Arrey Ram bhai, yeh baat toh phone pe bhi ho sakti thi. Mobile number hain 9285000011. Dhankor invited Ram in the Navaratri festival. Woh lover, toh main killer! People of Rabari clan always used to give respect to Gujarati women whereas the people of Jadeja clan used to practice female infanticide, though, later on, people of Jadeja clan became more modern than the people of Rabari clan. Hey dhin tadak, dhin tadak, aaja urh ke saarat pairon se beri zaara khol, nagada sang dhol baaje. Who fired the bullet at Dhankor?

Raseela wanted Leela to take the charge because if Bhabani takes the charge of Jadeja clan, then he may kill all the people of Rabari clan. At Dhankor’s den, in front of the Sarpanch of Ranjaar village, both Ram and Leela agreed on a peace treaty with some win-win settlements. The Sarpanch and other Gujarati businessmen were happy. Bhai Bhai! Next day, the photos posted in Twitter became the headlines of Gujarati newspapers. Bhabani was smart enough to take her sign on the order papers. It was a reddish Dusshera for the people of Rabari clan as per the orders. Kesar requested Dhankor to kill her son also. Har goli ke saath sirf ek beta nahi, ek maa bhi mar jaati hain. Who killed Bhabani and why? Dhankor ordered that the people of Jadeja clan and Rabari clan would celebrate Dusshera together but was it too late for Ranjaar village? Did Ram and Leela live happily ever after to enjoy the “GOLIYON KI RAASLEELA – RAM LEELA”?